2003-10-31
3:27 p.m.
OK I been to the bravery shop.. I got me some new armour!
So anyway where was I??
Humm ok Baby was crying quite hysterically.. and I was worried... he was crying quite allot and Adrian offered (yes I shoudl have known there was somethign up then) to go and see to him... he went into the bedroom the baby alarm was still on.. Within 10 minutes he called me through the monitor to say come in he needed me to help him with baby.. I went in and I found him standing over his crib with baby in his arms.. baby was crying really strange and I took baby off Adrian.. as I took him off him I noticed that his fontinelle was raised and that his face was bright purple... I took him ot the light and looked at him properly.. as I did this baby went into a full seizure and stopped breathing..
I put him down on the bed and began to scream Adrian came towards me and I shouted to him to call an ambulance.. this he did and after what seemed like alifetime an ambulnce arrived and I watched as they pumped him and put tubes into him... I really didnt knwo what wasa happening..
OK here is where it ges even more painful.. for me atleast.. I am glad baby is away for the week so I can write this without him being here.. I struggle to cope with it..
Ok we got to the hospital and I was beginning to cry.. on the way they had to stop the ambulance three times in a 10 minute journey cause they couldnt get him to breathe himself.. they made me leave my baby when I got to the hospital and they shut me in a room on the ed.. for 4 hours... at this point my mother and father had arrived.. the doctors kept coming in to us and asking questions... but they couldnt tell me anythign...
after 5 hours they came and said that I could go and see him.. on the CHildrens ward... when I saw him he was a tiny grey and mottled little shell he wasnt a baby anymore he was a shaddow of what he once was.. he looked like he was dead... of course he wasnt.. but that is how he looked... then the nurses told me that I couldnt stay with him the night as they needed to stay with him constantly... they told me that they didnt think that he was going to survive...
that is the bit I play over and over in my head... every single day.. I find myself wandering in my head back to what happened and how I felt.. it is this bit over all that I have in myhead.. that and the last bit in court two years later.. when theyu said that his Daddy was guilty.. and they sentenced him to 6 months in prison for child cruelty and GBH.. JUSTIFIED???? I dont think so the bastard should burn in hell for what he has done.. I cannot tell you how fucking angry I am with him.. and I could honestly do life improson for murder if it were to make it go away...
but that is never gona happen.. ever... but a girl can wish.. cant she?
huff - 2004-03-11
Bruce Almighty - 2004-02-27
3weeks2days - 2004-02-26
Help Me - 2004-02-25
fears - 2004-02-17
