2004-02-17

5:19 p.m.

HEllo folks long time no write.. appologies.... again... anyway what have I got to tell you??? HUmmmm

Ok I we went to get measured for suits etc with the best man and the two ushers.... and last week we went to see the Vicar.. so that he could 'interview' us ... :) he was quite pleased with us from what he said... :) which makes me happy.. :)

I dont knwo if I have ever said this before but I am a bit frightened... Obviously I have been in other relationships... but... unfortunately.. it means that it doesnt fill me with much hope for futures of them.... humm try to explain better... ok like this... I always think about the fact that I have been quite badly hurt before and whena relationship has ended I am not the sort of person who begs to be had back or cries and screams at them begging not to leave me... but... in the past like I said I have been hurt very badly... and well... I learnt at an early stage that feeling bad and showing that when they have made a decision... has looked daft... for instance... When one relatioshop was failing a little he said we needed to talk and I agreed... and in the end he said that he thought that we shoudl have 'a break' so I just agreed with him and said yeah ok well I dont think I want to see you again then and was pig headed and stubborn.. when if I thought about it.. we prolly would have stayed together... although I would have never met Craig if that were the case... and for that I am happy.. :) But I dont like to show weaknesses... especially to men... Craig well I guess he knows me better than anyone... but still I would be gutted if he decided he didnt actually love me anymore...

I can honestly see how I would not live anylonger... if that were to happen... I guess I like to look stronger that I am ... so that I cant be hurt.. but inside I am hurt and now scared to... Craig and I had a conversation when we were first together.. which incidentally is 3 years now... :) this week.. :) and in the conversation Craig and I agreed that no matter what ever happened... we woudl never allow the other to have a divorce.... no matter what...

Divorce is something that I really do not agree with appologies to anyone that offends... but I dont.. Why marry someone and then change your mind... dont vows mean anythgin to anyone anymore??? Till Death us do part... and For richer for poorer in sickness and in health.... takes the piss that people think that we arent actually meanig the words we are speaking...

So anyway rant over with.. I think that I shall be a happily married woman... and that is somethign I thought woudl NEVER happen...

Girls are supposed to dream about white dresses and churches full of flowers and people that you love all wishing you well with all the attention on her... I never had that dream... but I am excited all the same... not for the attention though..

For some reason I dont feel like I should have all the attention... I dont much like that....

Anyway/.... I am gonna go and get some tea ready... :)

I am soooo hungry and it is only 5.30 pm... oh dear...

love to you all..

and GO ALICE!!! x

huff - 2004-03-11
Bruce Almighty - 2004-02-27
3weeks2days - 2004-02-26
Help Me - 2004-02-25
fears - 2004-02-17