2003-10-30
9:09 a.m.
RIght so I thought I should say something about my past so that you know the kinda me i am.. hehe sounds silly!
Ok I was born in 1975.. and I was the first born... lovely we lived ina small village in the middle of nowhere.. and it was great.. none of this worrying over where your child is at all... even at a young age.. anyway.. it was great.. till I was nine and my sister came along.. she was born in 1983 and that was tough life changed big time then and Mum and Dad would argue all the time.. over money mostly.. always making me feel like it was my fault.. and that was hard to swallow.. Anyway... it never got much better.. unfortunaltly and I was told on my occasion by my father that I was a disappointment cause I wasnt too good at school work and I spent the entire time of my school life trying to keep my head low and be invisible to everyone around.. unfortunatley I remained invisible to everyone except the bullies.. and well there we go..
I spent all of my school life being bullied by someone even teachers.. they would be really critical of me whatever I was doing and would often make examples of me in class... laughing and pointing.. and getting the class involved in it all too.. real nightmare it all was.. and then at home it was equal torment I woudl come home from school and disapear to my bedroom till tea and then straight back upstairs again till morning.. Mum became convinced at one point that I was on drugs..! Pah! Like I had the guts to do that I was a gibbering wreck! (in actual fact I was suffering a break down the first of many)
Anyway.. I left home when I was 17 because I couldnt cope with all the shit basically.. and life was good for a while.. and then I got crapped on again from a height when boyfriend of mine decided he prefered the same sex as himself..! haha so I embarked on a voage of sexual discovery... with women and myself... sex became a really important part of my life.. very important and I would have sex several times a day wether on my own or with another girl... but either way it happened.. it had to it was the only thing that kept me away from the boring mundane life at work and at home.. alone... I think about that time was when I had my second break down and I was put on more medication... This made me feel better and that is when I met Adrian... (big bummer!!)
Adrian seemed to be wonderful.. he was kind and polite and I fel at ease with him.. like I could be myself..(if I had known what that was at the time might have been easier!) but I was comfortable.. so we moved in together and before too long I came off my medication for the first time in 2 years..
huff - 2004-03-11
Bruce Almighty - 2004-02-27
3weeks2days - 2004-02-26
Help Me - 2004-02-25
fears - 2004-02-17
